Positivity: Mind EQUALS Mater
We’ve all heard the saying ‘mind over matter’ at some point in our lives literally translating to your ability to overcome obstacles and physical limitations to achieve whatever you want. Well that’s all fine and dandy, but I have a bone to pick with ‘mind over matter’. I agree that you can put your nose to the grindstone and overcome a lot in the physical world. I definitely know this is possible. I’d actually just like to slightly alter the saying and have it read ‘mind EQUALS matter’. This to me says that you create whatever life you want for yourself, depending on your personal mindset, not that the world creates itself and your mindset has to combat the negative that is naturally in the world. Let me explain.
You see, I believe that the world is what you make of it, and you are what and who you decide to surround yourself with. Your marriage, your friendships, your need for physical things, your hopes and dreams, your negative experiences, and everything in between can be interpreted and reinterpreted to read differently, and I don’t mean from one person to the next. We’ve all seen some romcom where the main character works way too many hours and is a total badass at what they do, but their entire life is defined by their job. They realize that the world has changed around them and they have yet to have the happiness they thought awesome career would bring them. Fast forward through the meet-cute, the cheesy first date, whatever issue arises and is worked out, and your business obsessed main character is now a well-rounded, happy go lucky guy or gal with a well balanced life, still working hard in business, but also allowing enrichment and personal time for love and life. All is right in the world.
So what changed? Would you be surprised at all if I said ‘mindset’?
We are creatures of habit. Humans, I mean, thrive in repetition. We like schedules, and sameness, and it’s tempting to never branch out from that. It’s tempting to live in the comfort of complacency, but there is usually a day when the comfortable people look up from their seemingly perfect lives to realize that something is missing. They’ve allowed life to pass them by while they focused on one area of life in particular, and neglected all else. When someone realizes a void, many will alter their scheduled sameness and opt to bring out what drives their souls whether it be relationships lost, or special activities that brought about happiness, but I’m not talking to the ‘many’ per say…
I’m directing this article to those who live in a place of negativity, not just the visitors. I see it every single day on social medias, to the point where I’ve unfollowed a lot of people (thank god they can’t actually see!), and even toyed with the idea of deactivating my own social accounts for a while to ‘reset’ in a way. I’ll hear people speak so incredibly pessimistic that a single phrase will leave a bad taste in my mouth for days about their character. Again, I feel that you are who you associate with, and if I allow that gloomy attitude to steep in my cup of tea, I find myself being more negative. That, friends, is not my cup of tea.
So let me speak to you. You there with the bad attitude. You with the whining, or the ‘woe is me’ outlook. You who facades your life as perfect on the internet some days, and as the first person in the world to have ever dealt with suffering on others. You who passive aggressively posts things on the internet to make very personal digs at friends or family (hoping they will see it but HA! They’ve probably unfollowed you too!). You who shoots down ideas, plans, or friendships out of fear or anxiety for the unknown. Let me speak broadly. If you feel like what I’ve just written is applicable to your life, you are the problem.
Everyone is negative sometimes. Every single person on this earth has felt sorry for themselves for a while. We’ve all posted something online that alludes to our lives begin perfect, and we know deep down they are perfectly imperfect. In one form or another, everyone has had to deal with circumstances that were terribly uncomfortable physically or mentally, or tested every fiber of their being and faith. I can think of plenty of passive aggressive attempts I’ve made in my youth and grown from, and I’ve been afraid for the outcome of a situation, but pressed on anyway. That, my friends, is the difference. Pushing on.
I was raised by a single mother for most of my life. Let me tell you, growing up, my mom was not raised with any means. She was cared for, fed, clothed, and sent off to school, but she also dealt with things that she fiercely protected her children from. When my mom raised three hard headed girls, she made sure to reinforce her own values every step of the way, the most prominent of which was that you can be a victim, or a victor. You can allow a situation to beat you up one side, and down another; to drag you through the mud, and to beat you senseless. OR. Yes, there’s an alternative… Instead of all that pain and suffering, you can channel your energy into being victorious. Some situations are harder than others to overcome, I will give you that, but no situation can make you a victim. No, only YOU can do that.
Mind EQUALS matter. Your outlook defines your situation. Did you just get let go from your job? That can be a wonderful time to roll up on the couch and watch every season of Parks and Rec with a tub of cookie dough. OR. Yes… the ‘or’ offers an alternative. You can take this separation from your job as a chance to pursue something you’ve always hoped to get involved in. You can redefine the situation simply by saying that you were given an opportunity. Life is full of ‘surprise opportunities’ as I like to call them.
Truthfully, I am not a positive person, or at least I wasn’t. I’ve rebuilt my ‘self’ and I think positivity is the mortar that holds my brick house together nowadays. (Yes, I did just refer to myself as a brick… HOUSE. I am mighty, mighty, just lettin’ it allllll hang out.) When I was 19 years old, Nik and I had just moved into our first apartment together on his income alone, and I was desperately looking for a job as I’d been laid off from my hospital job a few months before. I was given an opportunity to work in finance, and that paved the way for my position at Nik and my companies in real estate and property management handling the bookkeeping in totality. Getting laid off made me take on a new job with very little knowledge in accounting, which led to me wanting to learn more about financing homes and I became NMLS licensed on a top producing mortgage loan officer’s team in California, which led to working in real estate and property management, utilizing allllllll of my previous skills, and growing some new ones. Did I think this was a blessing when it happened? Haha, no. I was crushed when I was laid off. Sure, it was a pink slip formality from losing a medical contract within our county, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. From there I dealt with conflicts with other employees, conflicts with management, and inner turmoil trying to figure out where my place was in the workforce. Every setback I’ve had led me to discover a new part of who I was going to be, and led me to discover more about my strengths and weaknesses.
The bottom line, I don’t like seeing people look and feel defeated. You can pick yourself up, dust off, and get back in the saddle, or you can whine about how you were bucked off your bronco. If you want to complain, it’s going to fall upon deaf ears when people realize that you’re just the boy or girl who cried wolf, and you complain negatively to well- everything. I want to see you succeed. I want to build you up to take on the world. I want to see people doing their best, and achieving through positivity. That never means they didn’t encounter hardship, it just means that hardship didn’t defeat them. Just so you know, if you’re posting online about your awesome life, I’m not one of those people who sits back in envy and anguish, wishing I had what you have. No, you’re great and all, but I love my life. Know that when I see you on social media or in person doing well, I am SO happy for you. Genuinely, I get a high from seeing people do well.
We should build eachother up, share stories of misfortune and how we redirected and recharged, and overcame all obstacles to find true happiness. WE should encourage those around us to discover happiness, and if they can’t be saved, we must recognize how to jump a sinking ship. Don’t be a sinking ship. Set your compass correctly, and sail as far and wide as you can. Mind EQUALS matter.